Dreamland (Nicholina Wilkins)

Dreamland, Sarah Dessen, Viking Penguin, 250
I borrowed Dreamland, from one of my friends.

Summary: Caitlin needed an escape from the life that she had no interest in living. She wanted to be different from her sister Cassandra, “Cass”. Cass was the “perfect” child and Caitlin’s older sister. Cass got into Yale and had planned on attending in the fall. Over the summer, she fell in love and ran away with her boyfriend leaving her parents and Caitlin wondering why she would leave her life? Caitlin just needed a place she could become something Cass never was. Caitlin stumbled upon her way out in the form of Rogerson, the bad boy, drug dealer. However, he took her to a place Cass had never been before, for sure, but had she lost herself along the way? The dreamland that Caitlin had hoped to go to was much more of a Nightmare than anything.

The audience is anyone that wants something more than the typical; fall in love, teen, happy ending story, because it touches upon “real” and scary issues.

Sarah Dessen uses a different style in Dreamland, it is first person and not very descriptive. Caitlin gives you little blurbs of detail, about the way the house looks or a small detail about how the sky looked or stars, but she does it in a way that you are not given so much detail that you can’t imagine things in your own mind.
“Outside the window over my shoulder it was winter, flat and gray. But in the kitchen, under the warm bulb light, they were still dancing, laughing, twirling across the tiny floor while those silver bracelets jingled, making music all their own.”(125)

Passages:
Caitlin wanted a way to escape from her sister’s shadow, and this quote struck me because, you have to be in an extremely low state of mind in order to convince yourself that being abused is a way to become a different person. It was sad, Caitlin knew it was wrong but she thought it was easier than facing the pressure of becoming her sister.
“It was funny. What I’d loved most about Rogerson was that he took me to a place so far from anywhere Cass had been. And now, him hitting me was the same thing… But I wasn’t Cass, not even close. I was weaker. And I’d keep this secret before I’d prove that again.”(158)

“…lately I’ve been feeling like I’m losing myself, too. This is why. My boyfriend, Rogerson, hit me tonight. It wasn’t the first time. I know hwy you can’t believe I’d let this happen: I can’t either. But it’s more confusing than you’d think. I love him. That sounds so weak and pitiful, but lately, it’s been enough for me to forgive anything. But after tonight, I’m not sure. He really hurt me, Cass. It still hurts now…”(161)
This statement was written by Caitlin in her dream journal. It had to be about the saddest thing I’ve ever read. It made me wonder how many girls in the world today are going through the same thing but they just can’t tell anyone, or have no one to tell.
I found that the passages Caitlin was writing in her journal often affected me the most throughout the story. This passage shows the direct connection between, being ashamed and scared of how her parents would react to all the bad things happening. Also the pressure that she felt towards becoming like her sister. Is clearly described and in my mind I could see how she felt through this discription of the hole she was slowly falling into.
“…Well, it's new year's eve now but i don't feel that way anymore. i wonder if you do either. Something’s happening to me. It’s like I’m shrinking smaller and smaller and I can’t stop it. There’s just so much wrong that I can’t imagine the shame in admitting even the tiniest part of it. When you left it was like there was this huge gap to fill, but instead of spreading wide enough to it I just fell right in, and I’m falling. Like I’m half asleep, and I can’t wake up, can’t wake up…”(176)

My relation with the book, Dreamland, was how she felt that her photography could speak her mind and share emotions that she wasn’t able to express any other way. In a way that’s exactly why I love to draw. It helps release emotions and feelings towards anything and they can be happy and sad. Sometimes the best photographs or drawings happen accidentally. Drawing and photography can help carry you through times in your life where nothing else makes you feel proud. So in a way I definitely connected with the passages about how she felt towards art.